I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
