My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize