the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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