a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I bet he comes in French.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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