Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
