I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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