I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
wanna go halves on a baby?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
