Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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