You just made me feel so damn special
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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