Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
