We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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