Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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