Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
