were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
