I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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