the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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