I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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