Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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