the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
