They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
