i already hear my dad disowning me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
