I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
