Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
