he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
