Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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