dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
