I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
