Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
