mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
