Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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