We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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