I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
