shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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