WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
