mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
