If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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