There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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