dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
