kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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