Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
