so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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