Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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