im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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