I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
