that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
