Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you had me at cake vodka
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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