I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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