sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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