I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
