Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
