Pappa wants mamma naked
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
