Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
