i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
