My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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