I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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