I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I want a musical about memes.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
