i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize