It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
