he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
