Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize