He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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