wat bout pragnant strippers??
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
