I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize