advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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