No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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