Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
