weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
