why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize