Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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