i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
