i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
