Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
